


"The visit" or "The thing with the unconscious"

by TheRat77



Category: Shenny - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Shenny - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRat77/pseuds/TheRat77
Summary: Doctor Sheldon Cooper gets a visit after a long time





	1. A quiet normal friday evening

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["Der Besuch" oder "Die Sache mit dem Unbewussten"](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/245371) by Der Unsichtbare. 



> Hello.  
> -I am a guy, from Germany, and this is the first fanfic I ever started.  
> -It is a story from a “Shenny” for “Shennys”.  
> -I began it at November 2014, so that this vision includes the possibilities of the show's stand of this time  
> -It is already posted on another side-of course in German- and this is my first attempt to make it also in English legible.  
> -I have tried to translate it (also with the help of “translators”) and afterwards also the correction-programs in the net used.  
> -It's a sort of general-rehearsal and if it's not good for the readers, (story itself, or too many errors) I'll delete it again. (Because I could not make it better. You can tell me. I would really not be sad or angry)  
> -It is not finished at all but -if you like it- I want to dedicate it all “Shennys” in general (and especially someone named “Queen”).  
> -Inspired me:  
> -The show itself.  
> -The many fanfics and videos.  
> -My personal weakness for this possibility.  
> -And a special photo-montage.  
> -Since I am a guy, there should not be a question from what POV the story is written.  
> -I hope it is readable....and that you like it a little.
> 
> -The figures and the names do not belong to me but are property of “CBS entertainment”, “Warner Bros. television” and “Chuck Lorre Productions”. The history serves merely the legible entertainment, and contains no profit striving for my side.-

Part I

It was hot. Extremely hot on this late afternoon at the US West Coast.  
Even for September, which was a summer month in San Francisco, it was so crushing that there were no one who does not groaned under the climatic conditions of this year. A heavy smog hovering over the city, and the clouds which had gradually gathering shone the sky in a phosphor-yellow, which announced that soon a heavy storm would pour over the pacific-metropolis.

  
Sheldon Lee Cooper, bearer of two doctorate-titles and blessed with an IQ of 187 got out of the elevator of the apartment building where he lived, and took out the key of the door 6E. His thoughts still revolved around his work of the day he-even he already made longer-felt it as not completed sufficient.  
Sheldon was a theoretical physicist and employed at the “San Francisco State University”. His field was the study of the”string-theory” which was his undivided interest since his earliest youth, and he had vowed to prove it someday.

  
Certainly- not an easy goal -...... but it behaved so that his work was the only thing for what Sheldon had (let us call it) a kind of passion, and he cherished no doubt that he would make it someday to be able to prove this theory (a holy Grail of science) empirically.

  
Regarding the achievement of its ambitious goal he had -apart from the fact that he was one of the brightest minds of his generation- his discipline, his extremely pronounced sense of order and his almost fanatical pedantry on his side, on which based both his work and his daily routines.  
The disadvantage of this-if you wanted to call it so, ... he himself would not have it certainly, -was that these strengths usually went on the expense of his professional and social environment.

  
All in all, it would have been an understatement to call Sheldon difficult. In view of his high intelligence and the resulting self-assurance from it, he inclined to be often ruthlessly open towards other people, in spite of the possibility he stepped with it them too near or not.  
His actions reached from bare objections about improvements and instructions up to quick-tempered word-battles which he continued so long, until his opponent either withdrew or agreed to his view.

  
These properties made him surely to a capricious character which was not easy to manage-at least if someone did not know how had to “take him.”  
Besides, it was actually not Sheldons intention to offend somebody or to injured, but to revise merely view-technical mistakes, or to extend if necessary the horizon of the other what, for usual, did not recognize.

  
The problem which his colleagues had with him: He knew everything better, and was still always right, which led to the result that, with regard to his specialist knowledge and his abilities, he led high respect- because of his eccentric kind socially as much as possible was avoided. Nevertheless, this did not pose particular problems to him, had none of his present colleagues the necessary conditions or interests they would have legitimized an amicable relation to him. At his previous activity place, the “Caltech” in Pasadena, this had been different. However, this dated about one year now back, and his priorities had become others.

  
Just Sheldon had unlocked his door, when he heard, some meters to his rights, the voice of his neighbor.

  
“Hello, Doctor Cooper.”

  
Sheldon turned his head and looked in the smiling face of Tiffany (he not knew her surname) which left just her flat.

  
“Good evening,“ he answered by the way.

  
The young, not particularly largely grown, dark-haired woman closed her door, and walked over the hall-lamp, which flickered for a few days, in the direction of the lift. She wore a top, hot pants, and quite high-heeled shoes with which she probably persecuted the intention to seem bigger.  
She always left late her apartment to go to her work, from which Sheldon had no notion and also-to tell the truth- did not interest him.

  
“Have you considered it,”she asked when she went past to him.

  
"Considers what?“

  
“Well, you already know. The offer which I have recently made to you. “

  
“Oh yes,” he answered lost in thought. It had been very friendly what she had offered him, but at the moment not inevitably.

  
“Well, it is a pity,“ she said after his answer, and went to the lift.  
„It still applies,“ she shouted, and grinned at him mischievously, while the doors shut.

  
He shook the head.

  
_‚Why does this woman make such a fuss around a possible favor?’_

  
Sheldon laid his key on the little cupboard beside the door, and walked in his small living-room which was separated only by a narrow room divider from the kitchen.

  
On his couch table lay a jubilee-edition of “ _The Flash-The fastest man of the world“_.  
He had read out it already two days ago, after he got it from his mailbox and however -he did not know why- not yet properly had accommodated.

  
The only things which Sheldon,beside physics, honored were the fantasy epics of Tolkien, Roddenberry, Lucas, as well as virtual empires Ala _“Age of Conan“_ and the heroes of the drawn worlds whose adventure he always pursued meticulously.  
He had collected certainly more than a thousand copies of the “ _DC_ ” and “ _Marvel_ ” stories in the course of the years. On account of the restricted possibilities of his flat he had to stow away the majority at the basement of the building. Of course chronologically regularly, and packs in airtight foils.

  
Sheldon took the volume of the table and proceeded in his bedroom lying next door,...because the most important and expensive for him he still kept in his immediate nearness.  
He passed his bed, and took the lid of a big cardboard which stood on his chest of drawers.  
The first what appeared in it, was a plastic cover which nevertheless contained no comic, but a napkin which had been given to him some time ago at Christmas.  
This piece held quite occupied a special place in his inside which would have filled by nothing else or would have become substituted. Also, not by the new volume in his hands.  
Sheldon took out the cover, and laid the comic on the pile which was under it. Then he placed the napkin, like before, above that and closed the cardboard again.  
When he came back to his living-room, he looked at his wristwatch.

_16:55 o'clock_

  
65 minutes up to the Blu-ray which it was matter to fill.  
Once, evenings like this had always been booked for the common play of a classic videogame with his friends, but these times-how mentioned- were over.  
Indeed, he could also have begun alone a play (what he had done during former years also always)but, however, the dispersion had got lost to him more and more without equal partners.

  
Like the whole last months, Sheldon devoted himself, instead of this, to his big Whiteboard to continue the calculations of the day.  
He straightened to himself a chair, caught a black pencil and started to write formulae on the white surface which had to seem to every average citizen like messages from another world. However, for Sheldon it was the most normal what there was.  
Intently he stared at the calculations, while behind his forehead the most complicated lines of thought took their run.  
He hated it if things which he tackled did not come to an end, and his slope to the perfect did him then always to continue until the goal was reached.  
However, today it did not want so really work. How much he exerted himself, he did not continuously to focus what riled him severely and brought his corners of mouth to nervous twitching.

  
Finally, he leaned back, and admitted himself that his mind was too exhausted evening to achieve the desired result at the today's evening.  
What might this only lie with? Was he possibly. . .revised ?

Once work had never taken him beyond all measure or had got him tired.

  
However, apparently it was a fact, and it made no sense to fight against it. It was illogically to try to go on working in this state.  
Tomorrow he would continue. Although it was Saturday then, but he would miss nothing if he devoted himself the free day about his formulae.  
A last time he looked muttering at the Board and closed the pencil in his hand.

  
It so was out of character, unusual. Even embarrassingly.

  
But in this case, the will had to bend against an exhaustion-induced lack of neurochemical capacity.  
He was even more puzzled when he looked at his watch for the second time.

  
_6:15_

  
Sheldon was a person with iron habits. He kept to a strictly regulated daily routine and abhorred it if this mixed up.

  
_‚ Fifteen minutes over the time. ’_

  
“Hmm. Again. “

  
Also such a thing had never happened to him once,.... but because it had happened in favor of the science, it was more than forgivable.  
What was next on the agenda?  
His brain called away: _'Friday evening. Diner at the Chinese restaurant “Hongs”. 19:00 o'clock._ ’

  
Another 35 minutes up to the departure if he wanted to go the way as usual comfortably.  
Something new to read he did not have. For the intended episode of _“Star Trek:The next generation“_ on Blu-ray the time was also too short.

  
Briefly he thought, and in consideration of the temporal circumstances, he got, to bridle, his Theremin from the cupboard.

  
A few days ago, after long time, he resumed to play on it, because it calmed his nerves well, and after these strenuous musings this was all right to him.  
Before he began, he closed, as a precaution, the windows, because the last time his other neighbor Mister Norris, had knocked after ten minutes and asked if he was just about to torment a cat.

  
_“I torment no cat, but I play on a Theremin,“_ had Sheldon answered.

  
_“On a what?“_

  
_“A Theremin. A music instrument which has been constructed by the brilliantly Russian inventor Lew Termen. It is pursued solely by the electric capacity of the human body from what by you, how is to be seen quite clear, not more all too much exists.“_

  
The bowed and always somewhat grumpy-looking, Mister Norris had thrown a piercing look to him and had insisted emphatically on the fact that he should not celebrate his _“misery concert”_ kindly too loudly.

  
Sheldon knew which problems the other neighbors quite had with Mister Norris, and because he had not felt the desire for a renewed confrontation, he also had -because it had been quite late- renounced on another play. Today, however, with the closed windows no other Interrupts might be to be expected.  
Sheldon sat down, and started to play quietly the first tacts.

  
This time it lasted just seven minutes, until it knocked.

  
Easily annoyed Sheldon put aside the instrument again and got up.

  
_'This Mr. Noriss is not anymore at his height, but his ears are the ones of a Vulcan bat'_ , he thought, while he went to the door.

  
Maybe he would become better known to appreciate if he would explain him the physical impact of the device, although Sheldon knew, actually, this would be probably wasted time.

  
But what the hell?

  
He could try it. It was no disgrace to try to close somebody gaps in knowledge. Already not if it was about physics.  
He opened, and expected straight away the fierce expression of his neighbor to have before eyes, but instead of this a luminous color which made to briefly wink him jumped to his eyes.

  
In the next half a second his confusion still increased a little more, because what stood before his door, was unambiguously feminine.

  
“Hello, Sheldon“, he heard a familiar voice saying, and his next look confirmed his acceptance.

  
In front of him stood Penny. His former neighbor from Pasadena. The girl who had come from Nebraska to become an actress.  
The day she had entered the apartment towards

of him and Leonard (Leonard Hofsteadter, physicist like him, his roommate and best friend), everything had changed. From her was the napkin which he held thus in honor.  
She wore a garishly-red armless shirt and black jeans. Around her shoulder hung the brown leather handbag he knew.

  
“Hello”, he answered-honest in amazement.

  
It was a long time ago he had seen her, and the last what he had guessed that would she so suddenly stand before his front door.  
She smiled to him warmly and stepped up without circumlocutions to him.

  
“You are difficult to be found, Sweetie, “she said, laid her arms around him to pressed him a short kiss the cheek.  
According to his kind-he had problems with to let touch- his whole body became briefly stiffly what changed only again, after she had let go him.  
After that she raised her eyes to him and looked into his -apparently astonished- face, because it slipped out her a short laugh.

  
"What’s the matter? Have I so changed that you do not recognize me anymore, Honey?“

  
“No,“ he answered, still standing under the effect of the surprise.

  
Second-long he looked at her without knowing what was to be made from this astonishing situation.  
With an amused-puzzling look Penny lifted the hand and closed her nose with thumb and forefinger.

  
“Earth to Sheldon Cooper. Penny asks for permission to be allowed to enter your flat,“ she gave slightly squawking from herself what Sheldon got from his short stiffness.  
“Excuse,“ he said, and stepped aside as Penny entered.

  
“Well, you are you a little glad to see me?“

  
He did not understand. Why should he not be pleased?

  
She probably noticed that she demanded him a little bit too much with this question, so she simply went on talking.

  
“"You pulled back quite well. It has lasted long, until I had your address. “

  
Indeed, Sheldon had made certain arrangements which had seemed to him, in connection with his work, sensible. Man could finally never known.  
“Like a snail who has contorted in her small house“ she said and looked him slightly provoking.

  
“Sheldon, the snail. “

  
At this point he had a problem once more, because he had only conditioned understanding for comic or irony.  
Normally his reaction was limited, regarding putative humorous climaxes, to a short air-entering laughing-noise which always sounded like _Darth Vader_ shortly before the last departure.

  
Anyhow here it seemed inappropriate to him, and so he left it with a short embarrassed expression.

  
_'Embarrassed? Why,_ ’it went into Sheldons head.  
_'I have made nothing wrong. ’_

  
“Nice to see you,“ he said.

  
Smile was foreign to his facial-muscles, but in this case it was not difficult for him. He closed the door behind her and asked her to enter his apartment.

 

_Is to be continued?_


	2. Teatime, news.....and a confession

“Would you maybe want a tea?“

“With pleasure. “

' _Alike old days_ ,’ thought Sheldon, and proceeded in the kitchen in which Penny followed him with quick step, and let her eyes interests wander through the apartment.

She had let grown her hair again since then and carried them slightly wavy.

Sheldon was really and sincerely glad to see her again, but something in him let also climb up a strange nervousness. It was minimal, but present and clear to feel. Strange. He had once spent so much time with the blonde, who had earned her living as a waitress in the Cheesecake Factory for years.

_'It will still be the surprise,'_ he thought.

He went to the stove, took up water and prepared two cups.

“And? How are you?”

“Well,” Sheldon said, pointing to his whiteboard.

“I still have a lot to do.”

“Are you still trying to illuminate the mankind with your genius mind?”

She made a mischievous grimace.

“That's the way it is. And it is inevitable that I will eventually succeed. Sit down.”

Penny sat down at the kitchen table and put her handbag next to her chair.

“It's devilish hot in this city,” she said with a slight groan.

“Well,” Sheldon replied as he prepared the tea. “The effects of global warming are unmistakable.”

“Since I arrived in San Francisco, I sweat like a little pig.”

_,Oh gosh.'_

So she was. Heartfelt, but mostly a bit thoughtlessly in her statements.

“Penny,” he replied lightly reproachfully. “As a former member of the rural population of Nebraska, you must know that pigs are not able to sweat. Apart from a few small spots on their noses, they have no glands that would allow them to transpire. The expression is, therefore, perfect nonsense, and worthy of being eradicated from the human speech."

Her jaw fell slightly downwards.

“As I once said, you are a phenomenon.”

“And as I answered then,” he replied, “I know.”

Slightly smiling she shook her head.

“Still the old Sheldon.”

“Of course I am the old Sheldon. What did you expect? Something else would only be conceivable if the body-snatcher- invasion had taken place, and I would have been replaced by an extraterrestrial pod-double. “

Penny narrowed her eyes to small slits.

“I'm not sure if this double would differ so much from you.” Briefly he brooded.

“Hmm, true. Probably they would refuse to copy my. Why imitate something, if they had no chance to improve it? This would be highly illogical. “

Her smile was a little broader.

“Stay so,” she said softly.

After the tea was ready, Sheldon handed her one of the cups and sat down opposite her. They pushed on and at the same time took their first sip.

“You have not written a single time.”

“As I said, I was very busy.”

Quickly Sheldon let followed another sip.

“And how was your inter temporal condition?” “I've started again with the acting.”

“Ah.”

“And this time with success. I've got some really good roles. In _Navy CIS_ , _CSI Miami_ , and even _Castle_. I'm even in the narrow selection for a spin-off series of _8 Simple Rules_. The original actress of Bridget has a firm commitment somewhere else, and because I correspond to her type, I have good chances. “

“Well, then I have reason to congratulate you.”

“The episodes of the crime series were all already sent. Have you seen them? “

“Ehmm, no.”

Sheldon took another sip again.

“I only own SciFy-Classic and the science-channel.

“Oh.”

A slight disappointment was visible on her face.

“Are you in San Francisco because you have to do filming here?”

“No. I am completely private here, “she said, ... sipping on her tea.

Once again, her eyes went around.

“You have a nice apartment.”

“It fulfills its purpose,” he answered.

“And you live here alone,” she asked, .... and in her voice lay some quizzical-challenging.

“Penny, you know me. A Homo Nevus needs, after all, nobody. “

“Oh, yes,” she gave- suddenly melancholy sounding- back.

“I know you. No one who knows you will not let you go so fast. “

Sheldon's brow was wrinkled. Was that sarcasm now? Irony, or what? Again, he did not understand what Penny, of course, recognized and quit with a cheeky grin.

, _Typical.'_

She had always liked it to tease him. Beside such things in dearest with the so-called normal and everyday concepts to which, admittedly he had, in the majority of the cases, no right relation.

‚ _She still is the old Penny’_.

“Congratulations again,” he said after he had turned the conversation back to her professional stance.

“You are doing what you always wanted to do. In the majority of the world's population this is a rarity. “

“You're right. Actually, I should be satisfied. “

“Should? So it is not the case, “Sheldon concluded.

“Well, yes. In some ways, I would like to turn back the time. “

There was another point that Sheldon could not easily leave in the room.

“Penny, the time is a fixed constant and can not be bridged. Neither forward or back. Apart from Rod Taylor's inventor in _The Time-machine_ and Doc Emmett Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd, in the _Back to the Future_ -trilogy, no one has ever done it,...and that's all just fictional stories. “

“Yes,” she said, somewhat disinterested. “That ..ahm ... is really very unfortunate.”

She waited a few seconds.

“Well, much has happened in Pasadena. Raj married seven months ago. It was a very big and beautiful wedding. His parents had specially come from India, and we all celebrated with them. “

Penny took a few photos from her bag and handed him one. It showed Raj and Emily brightly in tuxedo and wedding dress.

“They would have been glad if you had also been there. “

Sheldon did not answer, but looked at the picture in detail. Raj. The Indian astrophysicist who, until recently, could only speak with women, if he had a certain amount of alcohol in his blood. _'Somehow curious,'_ thought Sheldon. He had to stand, he honestly did not think it possible that his long-time Indian friend would ever take that step. He felt nevertheless frank joy for this two.

“In addition, Howard and Bernadette got offspring three months ago. They have a little girl. Susan. “

Penny smiled enthusiastically and handed Sheldon the second picture, whereupon the two be seen happy smiling with a cute infant sleeping in their arms.

Howard Wollowitz. The Jewish engineer, who had stood a little too long under his mother's fist, and had changed, since his wedding with Bernadette, from the immoderate 'want to be-womanizer' to the responsible husband . Sheldon had often reared him with the fact that he had been the only one of her clique without a doctoral title. Now he regretted that he had never confessed him, that he, secretly always, had an enormous respect for him and his work.

“A really sweet thing. I am her godmother.”

“I am very pleased to see and hear this.”

After a few other looks he handed back the pictures. “Then her social fusion also in this area has yielded fruits.

“ At his last sentence Penny lowered her gaze, and her smile died for the most part.

“Leonard and I are no longer together."

Sheldon, who had just been about to take a sip of tea, abruptly dropped the cup back to the table.

“You are ... ?

“... divorced," she finished his sentence.

Now it was Sheldon's jaw which fell down. He had probably reckoned with some, but never with this. Penny and Leonard divorced? That was a surprise. The second on this evening. He had to admit that he was shaken. After the eternal back and forth that the two had done over the years, Sheldon had thought it would be clear between them after they had decided to this step. But, as it seemed, he had deceived. He caught himself, that he was about to ask for the reason. Instead, his eyebrows twitched briefly, and a piteous sigh ran across his lips.

“I'm sorry,” he said, ..... taking an extra sip on the fright.

Penny nodded and joined.

“I learned a lot during this time. Especially about myself, “she said. “When we got married at that time, I was pretty unstable. And also .... embittered. There had been so much happening that frustrated me. My dreams seemed to have dissolved in air, and I did not care much. You know?”

Sheldon had an eidetic memory. Of course, he remembered it.

“I had been looking for a refuge, for security. I finally wanted something solid and thought I had found it with Leonard. I thought I had done the right thing, and I was firmly convinced of my feelings. But the longer it took, I gradually realized that I loved only as he had struggled for me. His attention, which he gave me over the years, do you understand? “

“I guess so.” _'It'll be right,_ ' silent added Sheldon,.... whose realm the psychology really not was.

“I realized I loved him, but it was not a real love-that he was not what I had hoped for in my future life. It was a very bad time for me, and for Leonard too. "

“Comprehensible.” _'_

_Hopefully she'll be soon at the end with this,'_ he thought. It was not only that he was not well-versed in the field of psychology - he did not like it either. Waste of time by his point of view.

“What I've always wanted to know,” Penny said, .... pressing her lips together. “Why you and Amy did not really work together? Both, me and Bernadette asked her at the time, but she never gave a real answer." Sheldon reflexively made a quick breath.

' _Much worse topic_ '.

Amy Farrah Fowler. Neurobiologist and his first girlfriend at all. His relationship with her had been terminated by them a quarter of a year before Penny and Leonard's wedding. In addition to his parents' quarrels in his childhood, this was one of the memories he most tried to remove from his consciousness

“Penny, this is a very personal subject I do not like to talk about. It would be dear to me if we could renounce an inclusion of this matter.“ After a short moment she explained- apparently with a certain regret- her consent on which Sheldon thanked her.

The next few minutes then happily ended with Penny's reports about setting up Rajs and Emily's shared apartment, the hype for little Susan, and of course the internal digging-wars at the Caltech against Barry Kripke and Doctor Gablehouser. Sheldon's mood brightened again, and he again listened attentively . It amused him deeply to hear once again trusted anecdotes. A couple of times, he heartily laughed together with Penny, which was also a rediscovery of an ability after a long time. Tomorrow he would certainly have a tense face, but this time it was worth it.

After this cheerful exchange, Penny's smile suddenly diminished again, and her gaze fixed on the rest of the tea inside her cup.

“Sheldon, I've not only found you to visit you, but also because I have something to say to you.”

“You're welcome. There's nothing to prevent that, “he said in good-humoured mood. “As it is expressed in the casual language, ....lets go.”

“There was another reason why it did not work with Leonard and me. An even more serious reason I would like to tell you about. “

_'So not finished yet,'_ said Sheldon to himself, trying to make not his recurring irritation seem obvious. Since the end with Amy, he had intended to avoid the topic of “relationships” in any possible form.

“After our wedding at once, something had begun, which had taken me heavily and still does it. Actually, it had already begun before. “

It seemed to be difficult for her to address this subject.

“As I said before, I always knew that something with me and Leonard ran wrong. But, apart from what I've already told you, I did not realize there was something else. “

She drove a few times through the air with her pointing finger.

"Under the surface, you understand?”

“Sure.” _'Not really.'_

“And you know it definitely, if you do not get a certain problem out of the head.”

Sheldon's gaze wandered to his whiteboard.

“Yes, this problem is indeed familiar to me.”

“Well,” said Penny with muted voice. “So it was with me, but the problem was not related to one thing, but to a person. A guy I knew long before our wedding. “

Somehow Sheldon guessed what sort of drama would follow.

“According to your consternation, I suppose it was not Leonard,” he interjected, hoping to speed up the subject (and bring it to a sooner end).

Penny tapped against her nasal point and signaled with this little gesture, which he knew, that he was right.

“Bingo,“ she said and took another (small) sip of tea.

“It's someone I've always liked. Only I did not know how much. Or rather, in what way. That there was more than I had admitted to myself. “

Her fingers ran nervously over the edge of the cup.

“He's been part of my life for so long, and I'd never really realized how much I appreciated him, ... that I had spent more time with him than with anyone else, and I had not know why. But then it passed not one moment in which I did not think of him. He kept pushing my thoughts. Even with the most ordinary things, the simplest things, he appeared before my eyes, and I imagined how he would manage everything, or help me, or comfort me. He took the place of ...... Leonard in my mind. “

Penny's facial expressions showed that it was working hard in her inner life. She bit her lower lip now, and the lids of her big round eyes were not silent.

“I thought it was going to an end, but it got worse and worse. And also more intimate. I even started to dream of him at night, and these dreams became anything but not...... R-rated, if you understand what I mean. “

“I am afraid I do,” returned Sheldon laconically, and shuddered inwardly.

“It even went so far as that I refused Leonard more and more, because I was afraid to say ....... his name.”

' _The side effects of hormone-related perjury,'_ thought Sheldon. Luckily he was not burdened with anything like that.

“Many months went by when I had to fight with myself. I did not get my head free from this guy and could not explain it to me. Then sometime I have gone secretly to a therapist because I have not stood it anymore. I told him what depressed me, and what he told me then, has hit me then completely from the sledge. “

With a last big sip, Penny emptied her cup and clutched it with both hands.

“He told me that I would have great and very deep feelings for this person, but that I myself have never been clear about it.”

She began to turn the cup slowly.

“That I would have had it for a very long time, and for some reason I had always pushed it out, and that by my wedding with Leonard this thing would work slowly to the surface. That I would realize for myself what was right and wrong. My inner life was like a roller coaster, and I did not want to hear what Dr. Molaro said to me. But how longer I thought about it, more it made sense. “

“Comprehensible,” said Sheldon.

“After all, I confessed it to Leonard. He was devastated, but said - and that really surprised me - that he had known it for a long time. He had, of course, recognized that something depressed me and hoped ... that it was not as he had feared. But somehow he had been suspicious for years, but never said anything. We tried it for a while, but it did not help, and we both realized it had no purpose. That it was about someone, he knew it also did not make it easier. “

' _Probably Kurt or Zack,_ ' Sheldon thought. _'Or some other brainless muscle-mountain, with which she had spent earlier.'_ They could bring him to giggle with their almost criminal small-mindedness. He had never been able to understand what Penny found on such figures.

_' To sprinkle the moon. Nrf. '_

“After we broke up, my conscience tormented me. Regarding this guy in my head, as well as Leonard. For a time, I once again sought refuge in ... “

She formed with her hand a wick, which she briefly led to her mouth and suggested to drink, and Sheldon understood immediately. He had never found taste or pleasure in such so-called spiritual drinks, and never regretted it.

“I had managed to get out of it, but then I concentrated on my work. I began to take classes again, went back to castings, and finally managed to get the roles which I told you. “

Sheldon just nodded.

“That helped me, but at the end it was just a distraction. As soon as I had a role behind me, or had nothing to do, my thoughts returned. And twice as strong as ...... as before. “

Penny was now completely different. Her carefree nature had disappeared completely, and seemed to have been a facade all along. She seemed vulnerable, suffering, and short, she seemed to be fighting against a cry. Sheldon had never seen her like this before.

_'And someone said that she was not a good actress._ '

“I had to see it,” she continued. “There was and is only one with whom I always felt completely free. By whom I have never, ...yes, pretended. And who has always been there for me, ...has supported me. And ... that was not Leonard. If I had really felt love for him, I would not have hesitated for so long. “

‚ _Why she was so unstable;’_ thought Sheldon. He had always liked Penny, but her inability to permanence had always been a point which he never had wanted to appreciate in her. He could not deny that he was very sorry for her, but for the most part, her emotional grievances were self-inflicted, and he had now really no desire to get explained from her in great details how her incapacity, and her bondage to her lower instincts, had ruined her marriage with his best friend. She was now about to ruin this beautiful reunion too.

“I then understood why I had left Leonard waiting so long. Because I basically always waited for a signal from the other, and ... “

“Penny, Penny, Penny,” Sheldon interjected, who had now really enough. (Somehow he was already honored that she-as it seemed- wanted to entrust him all these things. After all, they had always been good and close friends, but she seemed to have fallen into the wrong assumption that, since his relationship with Amy, he had developed also an affinity to relationships generally, which was not the case).

“Excuse me,” he said so politely he was able, “It is really very interesting, and also very unfortunate, but what you describe is for me, by large, still undiscovered countries which .....”

“Sheldon,” she interrupted. “There's a reason I'm telling you that all.” he raised the pointing finger. “So do not interrupt me. I spent a long time practicing this lecture and investing more time in it than in all my castings of recent years. “ Her voice sounded determined.

“Please excuse me. Go on. “ _'If it has to be_. '

She glanced past him briefly.

“So. Now comes the difficult part, “she said aloud to herself, and looks back at him. She took a deep breath and fixed him for seconds, whereupon Sheldon began to look around. He did not know why. It was a habit that always bothered him when he felt somehow undecided.

“What would you advise.”

“Me?”

Why did she ask him?

She nodded.

“Well, I suppose strongly that you already asked the mentioned Doctor Molaro for a solution.”

“Yes I have. I had, of course, described him the man in my thoughts to him, and realized that he, these feelings, which I had just discovered by me, shared for a long time. Doctor Molaro advised me, if possible, to go to him and clarify the matter once and for all, since otherwise, we would never be able to get out of this emotional hole. “

Sheldon made an agreeable hand movement.

“Well, then I would also recommend this.”

“That's the catch,” replied Penny. “I could not do it because ... the one I mean, ..... was suddenly disappeared.”

She suddenly looked at him intensively. So intense that he thought her gaze passed through him. Even he knew that no one could be there, he turned around and looked behind himself.

“Have I missed something?”

“Sheldon, I'm talking about you.”


	3. Many many questions,....and a BIG BANG

The air in Sheldon's apartment was, for the duration of several blinks, motionless.

  
Effortlessly one could have heard how a feather bounce on the ground.

  
The lanky physicist sat as if he hit by a stroke and stared at the blonde, who was still facing him, and who had still relentlessly fixed her green eyes on him.

“What, please?”

  
“By whom else,” she answered, and her voice sounding extremely emphatic.

  
“You're the one I mean. You are the one who has persecuted me all the time, who has not left me alone, has made me messed up-and the ..... “

  
She broke off briefly, and swallowed.

  
............. changed everything. “

  
Sheldon's confusion was immaculate.

  
_'What does this statement mean,'_ he thought.

  
If it had been her intention to irritate him, then ..... she had done it excellent.

  
Penny had always this weakness to say (for him) odd things. He had gradually grown accustomed to it over the years, but this was probably the top of what he regarded as peculiar.

  
What was she thinking about?

  
Slowly, Penny began to move toward him.

  
“What ... what do you say about that,” she asked quietly, in which Sheldon instinctively retreating.

  
So unobtrusive as he could, he looked at her eyes. He could not discover any signs that she might be under drugs, and he also could not smell an alcohol-flag. She actually seemed to be the master of her senses, which made the whole thing only more frightening.

  
Sheldon saw that she was waiting for an answer from him.

  
It was a situation he had always hated. Set as an insect on glue-faced with a state of his knowledge and his understanding widely excluded. And personally too.  
His inner unrest was rapidly climbing up the scale and a great deal of exertion had gripped him.  
He wished to be far away-at the other end of the world-or back again at the pole, and this time completely alone.

  
“I do not understand this question,” he finally replied.

  
“You've been listening to me, have not you?”

  
Sheldon nodded.

  
“Certainly.”

  
“Well, you, as someone who has allegedly an inkling of all the essential things in the universe, it will probably be able to get what I said .... in an adequate context.”

  
_'That was brilliantly formulated,'_ Sheldon thought. In other circumstances he would certainly have congratulated her now. At the moment, however, it only put him more under pressure.

  
What to do?

  
The urge to run into his bedroom and lock the door behind him became seductively large. Only this would not solve anything.  
He had to try to soothe-to pacify.  
Finally, he could not take anything for her disregarded feelings, and with that accuses to be blame for the failure of her marriage, he did not want to be satisfied too.

  
(Only,.. actually she looked not at all reproachful.)

  
Shortly, but concentrated, he wondered how to start.

  
“Well”, he started.

  
“I am really sorry when your sleep cycle is affected by me, but ....”

  
Penny put her forehead abruptly on the table, which instantly silenced him.

  
“This is not really true now,” she whispered, and lifted, with easily distorted eyes, her head again.  
“Although I would have guessed it.”

  
She shook her head slightly.

  
“You have such a high IQ, but you are not able to understand what I want to tell you now, what?”

  
She looked at him sympathetically.

  
“And that wants to be a genius,” she sighed, and tapped her forehead with her hand.  
“Come on, Dr. Einstein of Brainstorm. Now strictly times your blue cells up there. “

"They are called gray cells."

  
“However.”

  
She looked at him, waiting, while he was just staring back, his mouth slightly open.

  
“Somehow I just see the big fish head,” she remarked slightly annoyed, but Sheldon only got half with, because in his “little room” it had formed a blockade.  
There was no precedence and no back, which was expressed in a constant muteness from his side, which for seconds, dominated the scene again, and was broken only when Penny again raised the word.

  
“Then there is no other way.”

  
In her voice lay both, joy and a kind of despair.

  
“Oh man. If someone had told me ten years ago ..... “

  
Shortly she looked into the emptiness, then directed her view directly into his eyes, and twitched helplessly with her shoulders.

  
“I love you.”

  
Sheldon froze. His ears had taken her last sentence, but it seemed to last an eternity until it reached his brain.  
What had she said?  
That she had romantic feelings for him?  
Penny?  
Had he maybe misheard?  
Or did his reworking play a prank to him once more?  
Or should that again be a glimpse of humour, which he did not understand?

  
“At first I thought I only would miss you very much. But it was not. Could not be. For that it was much ... too violent. Then I puzzled if I could have offended you with anything. As I said before, I could not believe it at first, but with the help of the doctor, it seemed to me like sheds from my eyes. This realization, why you were always in my head, ..... why I could not let go, and ...... how important you are to me, Sheldon. “

  
He looked at her suspiciously.

  
Was that really Penny? Was this really the same individual who had shared a floor with him for years?  
Perhaps the invasion had already taken place, and before him sat a Penny-duplicate.  
Unlikely. Then she would be rather emotionless.  
As inconspicuously as he could, he looked around again.  
Was this all fake here? A dream maybe?  
But she did not look like a Gorn. Like a Morlock not at all.  
Was he somehow in a parallel-universe?  
Or was this ... the Matrix?

Nonsense.

  
It was all real.

  
And no, he had not misheard himself. This stunningly beautiful woman (moment, had he really thought that?) had just given him something, which was commonly called as a declaration of love.  
The processing-centre of his thinking machine - which otherwise worked so fast - unexpectedly ran now completely on a spar-flame.

  
Slowly an _'as sweet as sugar'_ \- smile originated on Pennys of face. A smile he had never seen before.

  
“I never knew how much I wanted to get your attention. For example, that I never sat down on your spot, but because I really wanted to be sure that you would take care of me, even if it was only about giving me one of your strikes.”

  
She'd really done it regularly.

  
“That I had adjusted my washings only to yours, because I knew I could spend time with you again. Why I was always happy about our short talks in the stairwell. “

  
Sheldon noticed each of her syllables.  
She seemed to take it all seriously.

  
“Sheldon, when....when you embraced me at Christmas for the first time, ..... I cried in my apartment for a quarter of an hour.”

He had made her cry, through this justified, but painfully veiled gesture? This became more and more illogical.

  
“I could never bear it to see you sad, Sheldon. Whenever you were crushed for something, I got this impulse to be by your side. I did not want it, I just did it, and .....Good God, I left Leonard behind, after you came back from the pole-expedition. “

  
Well, that was true. She had come to his bedroom to cheer him up, although she had just come together with his roommate. Although this had been a very noble move from her, Sheldon had never thought that it was necessary to think more about it at the time. Just as not as when Raj and Howard had told him later, that she had not (how it was called in the jargon with regard to the ritualised pairing?) _“Let it go_ ” with Leonard before they had not brought him back from Texas.

  
“Do you know, that when I was in your room, before to kiss you?”

  
_, Sip. There were really abysses. How far should that go? '_

  
“Once,” continued Penny, “it was on this other Christmas party that you were not there, Amy had imagined a crazy fantasy in which I was trying to seduce you in the laundry room. At the first moment I found it completely stupid. But somehow, ..... this thing did not let go of me. “

  
_'Why was Amy thinking of something like that?'_

  
“I began to imagine how this situation could go to happen in reality, .... and it ended up unlike Amy's imagination. That really frightened me at the time, but it was so. “

  
Sheldon clearly recognized that Penny s cheeks became a stronger hue. He did not want to know what his own looked like.

  
“What I thought when I saw you in that black suit, I do not want to tell you.”

  
“The clown-suit?”

  
“Yes, the clown-suit,” she confirmed with a short embarrassed laugh.

  
“Only I had no idea what all this meant.”

  
Her right hand wandered over the small table and grabbed his left one.

  
“Now I know how stupid I had been all these years. That I had not understood it. But now it is as clear as .... “  
She was looking for words.  
“....... like this sunny day in ancient Greece.”

  
Normally, Sheldon would have been glad about the fact that she had retained something of his former efforts to teach her about physics. But under the present circumstances, he was facing great problems.

  
“And now I want you to know I know it.”

  
“Äaahmm ...”

  
Sheldon pulled back his hand. Now it was slowly becoming too much.

  
“Excuse Penny, but ... what do you mean?”

  
“Well, that I know it.”

  
“What do you know?”

  
“That you have the same feelings for me, too.”

  
_'What I do'_ , he asked silently.

  
“That you love me too, and I will never forgive myself how much I hurt you.”

  
“You hurt me?”

  
“Why else did you leave and never reported?”

  
Sheldon became even more immobile as he made her last statement. So slowly it became bizarre.  
What did she impute to him? That was probably absurd. Completely taken from the air. He had left because of his work. Of nothing else.

  
Only .... why did his pulse beat continuously and throw his glands (not heat-induced) more sweat?

  
“I do not understand you,” he said quickly.

  
“You.... do not understand?”  
Penny's expression changed into discomfort. She fixed him, and searched openly in his mimicry and his body language, for an enlightening reference.

  
“Why are you dispute it now?”

  
“I do not dispute anything, I just clarify perfect facts.” Why did he feel like himself that it was not the truth?

“You do not want to tell me now....?”

  
She pushed her head a little. She always did, if she could not understand something.

  
“Oh, come on. You can not deceive, Sheldon. I know what is going on with you. You have problems to expressing feelings, but they've always been there. And you showed them to me. Only I have never understood or perceived them correctly. I should have had to pay attention to the words of our friends, to see what was going on before my eyes. They told me from the start that you would not be interested in the lives of other people. And certainly not for their problems. But why did you care so much about me? “

  
“I took care of you?”

  
“You sound like a parrot,” she said, slightly aghast.

  
“Or is this supposed to be a kind of game? Your nerds have always had a weakness for something like that. “

  
Sheldon could also not admit this assertion, which finally made Penny realises that his words were serious.

“You really do not know?”  
Once again, her gaze became compassionate.

  
“Oh Sweety, you're still more broken than I was.”

  
She supported her forehead briefly in her hand.

  
“Then I'll have to help you,” she said, and began to recount their shared experiences-to talk about the many hours they had spent with each other.  
For someone to whom he had thought about that she had only the attention of a fly, Penny showed a remarkable memory.  
She remembered everything and brought back smallest details, which merely aggravated his uncertainty. Because in every incident, she interpreted his actions as indirect sympathy-attestations to her person.  
She did this very skilfully, cleverly-almost disarmingly, which led his unrest became- contrary to his type- to a strange anger, which he could not quite explain to himself.

“You even once confessed to me. When I came to you, you lay on the ground because of this experiment with the... domino-stones. “

  
A puzzling expression flitted over her face.

  
“What do I know what you've been doing there. Only I was too stupid to understand that you were serious. “

_,Meant seriously?_ '

  
Of course Sheldon knew what incident she meant, but that had nothing to say. In that state, he would have said that sentence to (really?) every female being who had just entered the door.

(Amy? Bernadette? Leslie Winkle? He did not want to think about it).

  
“And also on this other thing, you were never idle,” Penny continued, unperturbed.

  
Her emphasis on her words, and the flirtatious smile which accompanying it, Sheldon immediately understood what she meant, which now brought him to the boil.

  
“Woman, I have no idea what you're talking about.”

  
“You know very well what I'm talking about, Sheldon. Do not do so now. Do you think I've never noticed? “

  
It seemed to be somehow fun for her to confront him with it.

  
“You always checked me out.”

  
“Checked out,” he repeated confused.

  
“From top to bottom. And do not pretend that you do not know what that means. “

  
This was probably the summit.  
Not only had she developed animalistic desire with regard to his person, she also accused him of having the same in the opposite direction.

That was.... That was probably ....

  
He wanted to reply but could not, because how more the events, Penny had recalled, came in his memory, he recognized that he had indeed behaved untypical when it was about her.  
There could be no question of equivalency, and this realization produced something extra in him.  
As if a hidden subroutine had been started, his mind began-like an automatic- a microscopic view toward his own actions and reactions, which greatly disturbed him.  
He was accustomed to analyzing physical problems and not himself, but a mechanism was set in motion that could no longer be turned off, and almost paralyzed him.

Like stuck he sat on his chair.

  
“Sheldon,” Penny asked, noticing his change.

  
“What ... what is it?”

  
He did not answer, but stared, while his mind surrendered for a flood of “ _Why's_.”  
Why had he borrowed her without hesitation money, when she had problems her with her rent? For pure help? It was something he probably would never have done for the other neighbor, Alicia, but for Penny it had gone so strangely and completely easy from his hand.  
Why had he left his work and formulas behind to help her with her business-model, the _'Penny- Blossoms'_? A thing for which he would not have a thought for a second if it had been another person.  
Why, when she'd once fallen into her bathtub, he'd sprinkled into her apartment, like bitten from a monkey, when he heard her called for help-if he really did not care what was with her?  
Where had the pain that he had felt when he saw her lying in her tub?  
Where was the idea from of pushing all the other patients at the emergency room away so that Penny could have been provided first? (Especially this supposedly heart-sick doodle-jump -player).  
This strange inexplicable struggle for a certain control after she had forced to sing “ _Soft Kitty_ ” to sing for her, and she had smiled to him in this so innocently-lovingly way?  
And when he'd helped her to get dressed, had he really peeped because he thought it was only a compulsive matter, or was there really a latent interest in Penny's secondary sexual traits?  
Had his accidental grasping really been accidental?  
Had he, at the date between her and Stuart really spoken to him, because of the unexplained succession of Robin, ....and so the engagement brought to burst... or because he had not wanted him to ... came too close to her?  
And that on this one evening dance-tour he would have liked to trip this older Korean, when he grabbed Penny.

  
Where had this all come from?

  
More and more doubts arose in him.

  
During her _“wash-war_ ”, after he had banished her for touching one of his onion-rings, she had provoked him so much that he had been close to pounced on her, ... but not in the violent sense.  
He had even liked this “ _exchange_ ”, which he himself had never really understood.  
He had never imagined how he might have touched her, and had not wanted to know. This experience was too unusual and disturbing.  
But he had asked himself a long time how Penny had felt this whole thing. Similar to him or just with contempt?

  
How longer Sheldon thought about his own former actions and thoughts, much worse it became. His hands had now settled tightly around the edges of the table, and with every further thought, without his will, he drew his legs closer to him.  
He tried to fight against the process inside him, but it was futile, because a part of him wanted to face it.

  
He could not deny that, since he had left Pasadena, there had not been a day where Penny had not been somehow in his head. He had thought of his other friends as well, but no one as intensely as Penny, and he had always felt a feeling he could not have defined.

  
His extraordinary memory also allowed him to remember almost every moment with her, every impression and emotion which Penny had aroused in him since he first saw her.

As well as their peculiarities.

When she knocked and then, before she entered, always peered mischievously around the door.

  
Her brazen but always mischievous kind.

  
To her warmth. Her willingness to help.

  
And her cheerfulness with which she always infected almost everyone.

  
She had always taken time for him, had always given him advice when he needed it. Had kicked for him a cupboard of fellow into his balls, which he would never have dared to do -had consoled him and nursed him when he was sick.

  
At that time he had simply accepted everything without thinking about it, without realizing how much affection she had given him. Even time with Leonard she had often sacrificed for him. Although she had so often referred to him as “ _crazy_ ,” “ _madman_ ,” or even _“alien_ ,” which had been expelled from his mother ship.

When she and Leonard had announced their engagement, he had felt a strange sting which he had not been able to classify, and on the day of the wedding, where he had served as best man, he had felt depressed as never in his life before. Several times he had been close to tears, but strangely not because he was touched.

  
Again something came back in Sheldon's memory. Something which he had perceived then, but had never deepened, namely, the flare-up of a thought which had caught him at the promulgation.

  
_'She can not take him ...'_

  
He had not even wanted to think it to an end, and tried to be happy forward for the two.  
But even though he had encapsulated and suppressed it, the fact that such a thought had been in his head had frightened him-made him restless.

  
He had thrown himself into his work like a possessed man, had avoided the newly married couple where he could.  
His research had taken up all the space in his brain, and he had even spent several nights at the institute, just as he thought, to have as little interruptions as possible between his calculations  
He had always been more sporadic at the usual common evenings, and when, than he had always fast said good-bye, because he had always been so exhausted. Or had it been something else?

  
Later, he had then felt more and more deficient in his support and care, had begun to look around for alternative facilities, until he finally found “San Francisco State University,” because the prospects for his work there seemed very promising.

  
But why had he moved over several stations?  
Why had he really broken off any contact?  
Why changed his e-mail address as well as get a new mobile-phone and get a secret number for the landline? Really only to be undisturbed, and to prevent any espionage regarding his researches? Or was there something else behind it?  
Was his television program really only from the interest of the “ _SciFy-Classic”_ and the “ _science -channel”_ , or because he could be sure not to see Penny in the case of a career of her?  
Why had he really left Pasadena?  
The possibilities at the “ _SFSU”_ differed, in the light of light, basically not at all from those of the _“Caltech_ ”. And he did not get any farther.  
Had he only given himself to have in San Francisco better conditions only to have a reason to turn Pasadena his back? In reality, just to avoid seeing his neighbour living in a marriage with his best friend?

  
Leonard had always been his best friend (basically it was still), but somehow he had always felt that he had never been properly treated with Penny.  
That he had always respected her too little, had made too often fun of her intentions and plans and had fixed herself too much on the ' _physica_ l'.  
He had heard, ' _around ten corners'_ , that he had blasphemed even about her cooking (there Penny's food had always been excellent), and when she had written her work for the history-workshop without her knowledge, Sheldon had indeed also come to suspect that Leonard had done it less for her than more for his own reputation.

(Keywords: academician, girlfriend waitress, smart, dumb, reputation)

  
Sheldon had, at that time, always kept far away from this, or even criticizing his friend. After all, it was not his affair, and relationships had been a red cloth for him.  
Nevertheless, why was the good Leonard so superficial in this respect? Had he not realized that he was hurting Penny often-and at all, what he had of her?  
He was a good person, but more than once, Sheldon had thought that he...he ........

......................... did not deserve her? '

_, Gosh. What was he thinking?'_

  
Were there any signs of jealousy? This strange and insane emotional excitement, which says that one has intimate and affective-technical requirements regarding another person?  
Could there be something? Was it really just because of Penny?  
That would be all illogical. Irrational. Totally crazy. And that him?

  
Scenarios were formed in his head which showed what would happen if there was no marriage between this two.  
What came of, frightened him.

  
It was true. He would not be in Frisco.  
He would not work at the _“SFSU”_.  
He would not be sitting alone in his apartment and playing Theremin at this time. Or work on his (admittedly beloved) formulas.  
He would sit on the sofa surrounded by his friends and .... her.

  
HER.

  
A lightning strike as from the “ _mighty Thors_ ” hammer struck his head, and swept all doubts away.

  
It was really because of Penny! Just because of her. Because of nothing and no one else.  
It was she who brought him to all these acts.  
But why?

  
His next imagination showed him how it would be today, if had he not left after their wedding.

  
Yes, he would have continued to see her, would have continued to play _Halo_ with her, had little exchange with her, had laughed and been funny. But it would not have been the same. Something had been missed.  
She would indeed have been only a friend, with an irremovable distance without any ..........  
.......view ?  
Without.... hope?  
Hope for.... what?

  
Sheldon's mind instantly jumped and formed, based on the data which are now available to him, an automatically logical chain.  
 _,Without hope for ..... one day ........ maybe ....................to_

_.......... come closer to her!?!? !!! '_

  
In a hurry, he repeated his last thought several times, and experienced -no matter how much he tried- always the same end result without the slightest deviation.  
It was clear.

  
Penny was the fixed point. The center of his thinking and action. And that for a long time.

  
A single definite conclusion arose and filled Sheldon with fear.

  
A last desperate time, he tried to refuse the form-taking truth, but it was too late.

  
The thoughts shot through his mind in seconds and, like a puzzle, formed a clear and impossible to confuse picture.  
When the last stone had found its place, the realization resembled a true “ _Big Bang_ ”.  
It was not a theory, no assumption but fact-as clear as the result of a mathematical formula.

  
He really loved her.

  
_“Damn._ ” Yes, he-Sheldon Cooper-cursed. It was only silent into himself, but that made it no less extraordinary.  
His forehead was sweaty and he had to fight with an extremely strong lump in his throat.  
He now understood how much he had been disturbed when she had been with Leonard, when she had towed a new friend, one of her ex-friends, or had flirted with anyone.  
How much he had to struggle with himself, to let not any of these emotions to the surface. And now all these feelings, which he had denied to himself for years, were making their way unstoppable.

  
His heart was racing like a steam engine and his head had to be more red than the suit of “ _The Flash_ ”.

The anger had disappeared.

  
Instead, he felt helpless,... helpless, and completely lost. Unprotected exposed to these unfamiliar and painful sensations.

(Like _'Superman_ ' when he is exposed to the radiation of the dreaded ' _kryptonite_.')

  
“My goodness,” Penny said. She suddenly stood up, picking up a handkerchief from her bag, which Sheldon, at first, did not understand.  
Until she began to dab gently over his cheeks, he did notice it.

Tears had come. He had begun to cry and did not even notice itself.

  
He sat motionlessly there, and let this sweet gesture come over him, pacing back and forth between Penny in front of him, and this multitude of thoughts which, like a meteorite shower, bombarded his brain.

 

 


	4. Over the shadow

“Now say something,” she said, when she had finished, and gave him a small stub on his upper arm.

Sheldon could not. For the first time in his life he was really bar of every word. In his immobility and the attitude in which he sat at the table, he resembled a sphinx, a statue. Had he not possessed the distinct characteristics of a living Homo sapiens, he would probably have been able to bring him smoothly into the museum.

It was as if all the natural laws were upside down, as if he were in an inverted world. He had always been aware of his intelligence and mind-superiority, but at that moment he seemed so immensely small and stupid. All those years had been carried it around with him, and he had not been aware of what he felt for Penny. For this woman, who had somehow blanked his nerves in almost every one of her meetings, this two-legged arsenal of chaos and scientific ignorance, which did not follow any of his rules, had nothing to do with physics, believed in divination, and always challenged him. But who had always been so cheerful, had moved something in him, had asked him for the very first time in his life interpersonal and fascinated him-precisely because she was so completely different from him. Who showed him his boundaries, but also opened up new horizons. And for whom, as he now knew, everything had been done and given.

How could this be? How could such an illogical being have .... so right?

He looked at her, and now he saw something different from what he had thought he had seen all the years before. There was no longer just the neighbor and good friend but so much more. The sensation was so deep and pure that every further thought of a doubt resemble an infamy.

Yes, he loved her. To deny it or continue to suppress it had no sense. But what was it? Why had he ever wanted to stifle any approach of germinating?

Surprised and also shocked about himself, he began to shake his head slowly and trance ally.

It was incomprehensible. Inconceivably.

He had always tried to solve scientific puzzles, but here and now he had the suspicion that the greatest mystery of all was himself. Did he really know himself so bad? Was he not the self-constituted person for whom he had always held himself? What was wrong with him? Why did he just run away from himself?

So many questions! So many questions!

He was so engrossed that he did not even notice Penny's face.

“Oh my God,” she said suddenly. “I've made again a mistake.” Her voice sounded angrily.

“How could I believe it? How could I believe Sheldon Lee Cooper could have feelings for me? “

Her face twisted to an infinitely sad grimace.

“I should have known. You're not capable to feel anything. You are really just this cold robot, for which you all have always held. And I idiot thought ... “

Sobbing, she grabbed her handbag, turned around and went fast on the door.

Sheldon was perplexed. What was with her? He had not done anything. Then he realized. She had misunderstood his head-shaking, his thoughtful head-shaking. She thought now that he would reject her-perhaps even loathe her. At the same time, she could not measure what inner experience he had just done.

“Wait,” he called, and stood instantly straight behind his kitchen table.

Penny stopped and turned to him again, fighting energetically against tears again, but this time she did not succeed. He had seen her weep more often, but she never as now. And that really about him?

“You .... you ........ lov ... lo .... love me,” he still stammered in disbelief.

“Yes, damn it. I love you. I have always loved you. You fascinated me from the first day, Sheldon. But because you were so different, I had never believed, or I was never sure if there could ever be anything between us, and had always locked my feelings ..... always .... away. But ... “

Her voice threatened to get out of control.

“But ..... so I do not feel anymore. I've realized ... that ... it's these quirks. That I would not love you if you were different. For a long time I was looking for the right man without knowing what I wanted, but now I do it. ............... ............I want.....

........ Sheldon, I want to be with you. “

It was clear to see how difficult it was to spread her soul life before him. Short she said no more, and the only thing that filled the room was her sorrowful sobbing. She took another handkerchief from her bag.

"It is not my fault that I like you so damned,” she said, after she had sneaked.

“No, it is not,” returned Sheldon monotonously and drove (customary still keeping the mental shields at forty per cent) on in the same tone:

“Hormones and messengers such as serotonin ....”

“Stop it!”

Penny's lips began to quiver and her hands clenched in fists. In her eyes it glittered and almost he was afraid of her.

“Stop with your miserable science,” she cried out.

“Is there really nothing else for you in your life ?!

Do you know how difficult it all was for me?! To admit to myself that I had made a mistake for years?! To have told me that you are no more for me than a good friend, and then so damned slowly get to realize what....what you really play for a part in my life?! That I had to marry someone else to see how much you mean to me? How..... blind and frightened I was of my own feelings?! And ... how hard is it to see you and to confess all this to you?! You can not really be such an ice-block! Please Sheldon. I do not want to be wrong again in my life. Not for everything in the world with you. I would not be happy ..... my life any longer. Tell me that I have not just imagined it all! “

Sheldon was still unable to formulate a clear statement. He just stood there, struggling for control and words while Penny glanced at him.

“You're gonna say something right now, otherwise.....

-her eyes were wide open, her nostrils fluttering slightly, and her breath was almost like a snort-

“.........you know that I have a fat punch.”

Oh yeah. Sheldon, in fact, knew Penny's punch very well, and although he was aware that her last line was more an expression of despair than of a threat, it let him freeze even more.

As a result of which nothing came of him, Penny slackened. Her obvious anger gave way to a sudden mental impotence, and within a second she seemed to have become smaller.

“What I am doing here?,” she asked into the room.

“Why I do this?”

Weeping, she grabbed the knob of his door.

“Please wait,” he finally said.

Again, this time timidly, Penny turned to him.

“What is it, Sheldon?”

Helplessly, she folded her arms in front of her upper body and looked down.

“If you want to say something, do it now. Otherwise, ........ "

She lay back her right hand on the knob on which it remained, and her fingers a nervous dance made.

Banned, Sheldon looked down at this unhappy pile of misery in his apartment. What had she experienced? What she had for a courage to appear at him and to reveal him after such a long time, which he had not even dared to dream of. A courage to which he would probably never have been capable. And what did he do? His greatest (unconscious) desire was about to become reality, and he brought nothing out, or stammered like a drunken one in the sun.

Never before had he felt so much shame.

He recognized how much he had been wrong in Penny. She was not fickle- had never been. As she said, she did not know what she wanted. And now she-a woman who could really have anyone in the world- was suddenly here, and showed him that she had decided for him.

For the first time since her confession he correctly grasped (and felt) what was given to him here.

No, she could not go. His deepest desire was to never miss her presence and sight again. And it depended on him. Just from him. He would show her what he felt, even if he would then collapse because of nervous overload.

Sheldon managed to break through his petrification, stepped around the table, and moved slowly and gently toward her until he was standing in front of her. He looked down at the surprised Penny, whose eyes resembled a single tear-sea.

“Is .... is that .... is that really true?”

She did not have to answer. Her expression told Sheldon enough.

Now it had to be.

Slowly he raised his hands up and led them trembling and awkward along her arms toward her head. Nervously, he fought against his inner cramp, decided to take this step forward successfully and to stand for his newfound feeling, which was already so old.

_'You can do it.'_

He reached her face and took it gently into his hands, which made his nervousness immediately diminish a little.

The first big step was made.

_, Phase Two. '_

Slowly he leaned down and approached-timidly and still unsure- her face. The nearer he came to her, the more sure that he was going to make a quantum-leap that would change his life forever.

_'In these films, it always looks so simple.'_

Not even with Amy-his first sincere kiss at all-he'd been so nervous.

Somehow Sheldon thought that saw everything in slow motion. It seemed to be an eternity..... to last longer than the docking of the shuttle to the _“Enterprise”_ in _“Star Trek-The_ _motion picture.”_

Meanwhile, Penny's eyes grew bigger and bigger. She did not really expect to have a reaction from him. This is certainly not at all. She stood there, paralyzed, and let it come to herself.

He was now directly in front of her face, and felt the warmth of her skin rise- smelled the fragrance of her shampoo and the perfume that was familiar to him. He had never been so close to her.

At that moment Sheldon understood that there was no reason to be afraid but that what he was about to do was good and right.

The feeling of a huge liberation gripped Sheldon as he left the last millimeter behind him, and his lips finally touched hers. After a moment, she reacted and returned his kiss with deep devotion.

Her lips were soft and warm.

A hot wave went through his body, whose sensation for Sheldon would otherwise have been an immediate cause, to went to a hospital. Normally he was already suspected of having a virus, as the stream of a bicycle-courier trailed him, but here everything was different. He could not remember ever feeling so comfortable at this moment.

It was done.

He had overcome himself. After sensed wonderful light-years (oh no, light years describe distances and no times), he broke away from her, leaving his face in his hands. Gently, with his thumbs, he drew the tears from her cheeks and looked into her beautiful green eyes.

“Penny,” he began with a painfully controlled voice. “I would like to declare that you have been one hundred percent correct..... with your perceptive analysis of my person.”

Now she should have seen her face.

It was magical.

It has always been magical.

As if she had been a witness of a miracle, she stared at him for a second, until her lips slowly began to form first words.

“Holy crap,” she breathed sobbing.

A mixture of a rest of unbelief and immeasurable joy came into her face.

“And I thought...”

Sheldon shook his head.

“You were fully right.”

Her crying gave way to a relieved laugh, and in the next moment she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He could feel how her tears soaking his _Batman_ -shirt, but he did not care. These were no longer tears of sadness.

Gingerly, he put his left arm around her and pressed gently her slender, petite body toward him while, with his right hand, he stroked her back, as lovingly as he could.

_'You was always right, Penny.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,  
> at this point, the story can be considered at finished, but there is still a Part II in which is told what continues to happen on this evening. It is, as mentioned, not yet finished but if you have liked it so far, I will also translate it. But it may take a while, because I want to concentrate on the other story.
> 
> I hope you like it so far and thank you for the Kudos


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